“This may be because the people around them no longer want to hear about it or embarrassed or ashamed to keep talking about it,” she explains.īut talking it out is important. When you’re dealing with painful feelings or a situation that hurt you, it’s important to give yourself permission to talk about it.ĭurvasula says sometimes people can’t let go because they feel they aren’t allowed to talk about it. Give yourself permission to talk about it “Allowing ourselves to lean on loved ones and their support is such a wonderful way of not only limiting isolation but of reminding us of the good that is in our lives.” 10. We can’t do life alone, and we can’t expect ourselves to get through our hurts alone, either, explains Manly. This simple yet powerful tip can help carry you through a lot of hurt. Surround yourself with people who fill you up From that space, our hurts don’t feel as overwhelming,” she adds. “The more we can implement self-care into our daily lives, the more empowered we are. Olivera says practicing self-care can look like setting boundaries, saying no, doing the things that bring us joy and comfort, and listening to our own needs first. When we are hurting, it often feels like there is nothing but hurt. If you’re experiencing hurt and pain, it’s important you take care of your own healing, which may mean accepting that the person who hurt you isn’t going to apologize. Waiting for an apology from the person who hurt you will slow down the process of letting go. Accept that the other person may not apologize “Let them flow out of you… It may require mental health intervention, but fighting them can leave you stuck,” she adds. “These negative emotions are like riptides,” explains Durvasula. Rather than feeling them, people just try to shut them out, which can disrupt the process of letting go. In fact, Durvasula says that many times, people are afraid of feelings such as grief, anger, disappointment, or sadness. If you’re fear of feeling negative emotions is causing you to avoid them, don’t worry, you’re not alone. “Hurt is inevitable, and we may not be able to able to avoid pain however, we can choose to treat ourselves kindly and lovingly when it comes,” Olivera explains. Olivera says this looks like treating ourselves like we would treat a friend, offering ourselves self-compassion, and avoiding comparisons between our journey and those of others. If your first response to not being able to let go of a painful situation is to criticize yourself, it’s time to show yourself some kindness and compassion. “When we start practicing being present, our hurts have less control over us, and we have more freedom to choose how we want to respond to our lives,” she adds. The more we can bring our focus to the present moment, says Lisa Olivera, a licensed marriage and family therapist, the less impact our past or future has on us. Then, focus on something that you’re grateful for. When you think about a person who caused you pain, bring yourself back to the present. You have to make the choice to address the hurt that you’ve experienced. Do your own workįocusing on yourself is important. “Creating physical or psychological distance between ourselves and the person or situation can help with letting go for the simple reason that we are not having to think about it, process it, or being reminded of it as much,” she explains. It’s not uncommon to hear someone say that you should distance yourself from the person or situation that is causing you to be upset.Īccording to clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, PhD, that’s not such a bad idea. Often, having a mantra that you tell yourself in times of emotional pain can help you reframe your thoughts.įor example, says clinical psychologist Carla Manly, PhD, instead of getting stuck in, “I can’t believe this happened to me!” try a positive mantra such as, “I am fortunate to be able to find a new path in life - one that is good for me.” 2. How you talk to yourself can either move you forward or keep you stuck. Create a positive mantra to counter the painful thoughts If you’re trying to move forward from a painful experience, but you’re not sure how to get started, here are 12 tips to help you let go. If we get stuck in thinking about what “should have been,” we can become immobilized in painful feelings and memories. One of the best ways to heal from hurts is to learn lessons from the situation and use those to focus on growth and forward momentum. What separates us though, is how we deal with that pain.Įxperts have found that when emotional pain prevents you from healing from a situation, it’s a sign that we aren’t moving forward in a growth-oriented way. Whether that pain is physical or emotional, we all have experiences of being hurt. One thing that connects us as human beings is our ability to feel pain.
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